How could you love your spouse better? What could YOU do to make a difference in any relationship?
My dear friends Christian and Sonika truly inspire me to see the good in my relationships. After I saw them post this video on Facebook, I just knew I wanted to interview them. This video shows how anyone can ask better questions, for better relationships.
Featured Video of Sonika and Christian on the importance of Questions
I met this couple last spring at a real estate workshop and, I knew they had something I wanted, something I hadn’t yet figured out. They’ve got one of the most passionate, encouragement filled, inspiring, never give up on each other relationships. What girl doesn’t want that?
Here are some highlights of my interview:
What questions can I ask myself to enrich my relationships?
1. What do I want?
2. Why do I want that?
3. If I already were or had blank, how would I be, what would I do right now?
The only reason we ever want something, is because we believe we’ll have a certain experience.
Hopeful, confident, If you already felt hopeful and confident, how would you be in a given situation (out on date). If I already felt hopeful, secure, how would you be with your partner right now?
Your mind will answer that question. The beauty of your mind is that it will answer any question that ask. (Dreamosity purpose best explained!!)
The answer you get depends on the question you ask.
There are 2 types of questions: those that CONTRACT, those that EXPAND.
Answers will either be fearful, or it will be hopeful.
Why are you a failure?
Why are you a success?
No matter what you ask, you’ll find evidence supporting that question.
If I ask questions that are expanding, you’ll get expansive answers allowing you to rise further.
How can I better help you share your passion? How can I make things better for your dream. I wonder how to make that happen.
What questions do you ask yourself to best love your children?
Christian has a 12 year old son so he loved this question. Christian asks, “What in me is having him show up like that? What is my contribution to him showing up like that in my reality?”
These questions all help us take a new, even radical level of responsibility for our relationships.
The affect you can have on children is amazing.
Example. There was a time when my son was scared, of the dark, dogs, so scared he wouldn’t go to bathroom alone in the day. Sonika asked what is it in me that has him show up like that. She found something wonderful, he would connect deeper, this sweet protective feeling like he needed her. She asked herself ‘what am I doing to have him show up like that?’ Once she found it, she declared to herself that Jessie you can grow up, I don’t need you to be scared to have good connection and bond. The very next day, he came home with stories of playing with the neighbors dog as if he was never scared of dogs.
What questions can we ask to best love our parents?
What is it in me that is holding them to that role?
Typically we live in a story of how our childhood was. Maybe its painful, maybe great. We all live in this story that my family did this and that. My parents were never home, dad always worked, etc. That means I have a story and when we live in the story, Your mind will search for evidence to prove it. So if my story is I didn’t get love much as a kid, everything I experience will prove it. If you want to change that. You have to be willing to be wrong about the story. You have to ask yourself if my parents were parents for me, what story would I need to be wrong about?
Simplified: Where do I see my parents did the best they could. Your mind will search for that was right and good. Food on the table, dental care, etc.
What about enriching relationships with employees?
What is this persons biggest gift/talent? If I knew this person had great skills, really loves to work here, really wanted to contribute their top best, how would I treat them?
What do you need to feel good about being here and giving it your best?
If I knew you loved me, if you knew you wanted to give me what I want, how would I be?
What do you ask to best grow confidence?
If I were already totally confident, what action would I take?
If I were already this person I dream of being, what action would I take? Who would I call, who would I collaborate with? Then do what the answer is.
This applies for any quality we want more of: Risk taker, great negotiator, more compassionate, etc.
I am so grateful for this opportunity to share their story, their love, their questions and their purpose. They’ve got so much valuable experience to share. Please find them on youtube and for more on Christian and Sonika and their live events in Northern California, please visit them at http://loveworksforyou.com
Please reshare to those you know will benefit. Make it a love filled year friends.